I had a sinking feeling about the whole thing all day and my appointment wasn't until 1:45. I kept telling myself my feeling was fear, fear after all we have been though with the ectopic and this baby not being ok, then miraculously fighting back with a strong heartbeat that I would naturally feel a sense of fear. I prayed and prayed but couldn't shake the "pit in my stomach" feeling. Yesterday, I told someone we were having a baby in August and as the words came out of my mouth I felt like I knew it wasn't going to happen. Today, I went to write on my calender when I would be 13 weeks pregnant or "in the clear" and I couldn't do it. I know my God prepared my heart for 2:15 when I would hear the news that there was no heartbeat. He is so good to me in that way.
Today, I should be 9 weeks and 3 days, the baby measured 8 weeks and 3 days....
I don't really know what to say except that I know my God is good and does only good. (ps 119) I know He is absolutely Sovereign (Col 1:16-18), works ALL things out for our good and His glory (Rom 8:28), and that He has good plans for us (Jer 29:11). I know He desires to do immeasurably more through my life and that somehow this is part of that immeasurably more (Eph 3:20) that I realize I may never understand on this side of heaven, but I will accept because I know my God loves me passionalty, infinitely, as far more than I can even comprehend (Ps 103:11, Ps 86:15). I am thankful to God that He is always with me, always faithful, and knows how the pieces of my life fit together best to most glorify Him.
I have a DNC scheduled for Wednesday morning and I would really appreciate your prayers.
I wanted to post the lyrics from an awesome song called "Sovereign" by Chris Tomlin. It's on his new CD Burning Lights. It is just perfect right now.
Sovereign in the mountain air
Sovereign on the ocean floor
With me in the calm
With me in the storm
Sovereign in my greatest joy
In my deepest cry
With me in the dark
With me at the dawn
In your everlasting arm
All the pieces of my life
From beginning to the end
I can trust you
In your never failing love
You work everything for good
God whatever comes my way
I will trust you
Sovereign in the mountain
Sovereign on the ocean floor
With me in the calm
With me in the storm
Sovereign in my greatest joy
Sovereign in my deepest cry
With me in the dark
With me at the dawn
In your everlasting arms
All the pieces of my life
From beginning to the end
I can trust you
In your never failing love
You work everything for good
God whatever comes my way
I will trust you
God whatever comes my way
I will trust you
All my hopes
All I need
Held in your hands
All my life
All of me
Held in your hands
All my fears
All my dreams
Held in your hands
All my hopes
All I need
Held in your hands
All my life
All of me
Held in your hands
All my fears
All my dreams
Held in your hands
In your everlasting arms
All the pieces of my life
From beginning to the end
I can trust you
In your never failing love
You work everything for good
God whatever comes my way
I will trust you
God whatever comes my way
I will trust you
God whatever comes my way
I will trust you
?
The Lord gives and the Lord takes away, BLESSED (praised and magnified) BE THE NAME OF THE LORD!!! Job 1:21
Source: http://ashleyfisherslife.blogspot.com/2013/01/pregnancy-update-and-sovereign-by-chris.html
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